I feel so busted by this talk! Some of the things she is talking about I certainly hide from myself or at least don’t put them so eloquently or forgivingly inside my own head. I share it with you as it’s also very true of many of my female clients.If you’re a woman, or love them, check this out and let me know what you think in the comments. Busted? Or another female gripe when we should still be chuffed we have washing machines?
When I was living in London, before the few years in San Francisco, I had gained a lot of weight and I can see why now in watching this film. I was the most successful I had ever been and the most stressed, being popular for being able to help people, as a woman is tough. In order to be as Libby Weaver calls it ‘all things to all people’ and a ‘good girl’ I had to do more and more because I cared so much. Sound familiar?
When I returned to the UK, friends thought I was mad to move to Bristol and not live in London where all the work was. But there was one thing I decided not to be, and that’s busy!
Yet when I tell people I am not busy they look at me in a concerned way, that to not be busy, living on coffee and wine that I am somehow failing. That to be successful in business you must be working all the time, stressed out and trying your hardest to fit in yoga and 5 mins of mindfulness just to cope. Most of the e-mails I get from people start with ‘I know you’re busy, but I was wondering if…’ I’m not busy and yet I am getting it all done, I love it and I am classed successful.
Are there things I want that I don’t have, yes! But there is no such thing as a happy tomorrow if you’re killing yourself for it today.
Of course I go through busy times. I note when those times are over, I go back to feeling a little panicky about having time back. Feel I should be filling every moment with something important, because in order to BE important we must be DOING important stuff. It’s easy to forget what makes us happy and what real joy is all about.
I have also changed another thing, or at least I am still working on it, the need to be ‘nice’ or classed as a ‘good girl’. I used to not express my true feelings about things or express my wants, which included not charging my worth. If I was hurt, disregard or upset it would come out as an explosion or bitchy gripe. I am learning to express pissed off when I am pissed off and then drop it, forgive and move on or if I find I am wrong, apologise. OMG it makes life so much simpler and I am less over looked and taken advantage of!
The fear that comes up before I do it is strong; it’s the fear of being abandoned or unloved. One of the worst things someone can do to a woman is that not returning, texts or calls thing, known as ‘radio silence’. Many of my clients will often not express themselves for fear of being cut out and not communicated with. This is a form of control and it really is time we got over it, and learnt to control our own anxiety. But it’s what our inner cave woman fears most! She believes we will be really chucked out into the cold and eaten by a Saber-toothed Cat!
Like Libby I run my life and my mission with limited responsibilities. As she says “I’m not brave enough to be a mother, can’t imagine being the mother I want to be and still do my mission in my life”. I have never put it into words like that, but I know exactly what she means!
I don’t believe this is something men have done to us, we have done it to ourselves, with the help of modern society.
A shift of perspective is all that’s needed.