If you’re like me, and you’ve read a bucket load of self-development books, you might find yourself with an interesting mind-set. 

Firstly, I love the light-bulb moments, the insights you get where you can see yourself looking back at yourself in text. You think ‘damn, I totally do that!’ It’s not always the case that there’s something wrong with ourselves that we need to fix, it’s often that we want to be the best of ourselves. However, I will bet you any number of snails (I have a ton of these in my garden right now looking for a new home) that it’s some level of self-criticism that makes you read those books. The problem is that it’s a bit like being a self-criticism junkie; we find more things in those books to fix. A fix-me hypochondriac!

When I learnt about manifestation (Law of attraction, Abraham), I spent so much time monitoring my negative thoughts, and scolding myself whenever I had one, that I totally forgot to have a good time! That’s like being unhappy about being unhappy – twice the level of unhappy needed. 

Learning about yourself is a brilliant thing. I think great power comes in self-knowledge. But, as Spider-Man says, ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. You have to take responsibility that your self-help is self-empowerment and not another thing to criticise yourself about.

Most self-help doesn’t have the vital step for real change. I guess the reason is because if you mastered this step you wouldn’t need the books. You’d create more redundant sad-looking authors who need to read someone else’s book! ;) Or maybe because they are their own self-criticism junkie!

This step can be found in my book … ONLY JOKING!

This step is one of self-acceptance. You’re never going to be all fixed up and perfect: me, you, none of us! The thing is to love your inner mongrel! This isn’t a get-out-of-jail card to allow you to be an utter pot of toss, it’s just knowing that you deserve your own love no matter in what state you find yourself. 

There’s some key words here: ‘And I’m ok with that’. So, as we think, ‘Oh God, I can’t believe I … (fill in the blanks) you follow it with, ‘And I’m OK with that’. It stops the wheels of the story you create around it from forming. Eventually, your mind just stops creating the same thinking pattern. If there’s no chemical reward such as cortisol or adrenaline. From that place of acceptance, you can work on being the best person you can be from a place of love over fear.

Give it a try, and let me know how you get on.