I’ve had quite a few discussions about the lyrics of this song by Alanis Morrissette.
I believe it is the prefect description of real love. However who ever I show these lyrics too, have a wave of fear cross over them. The face of concern comes over them and I get told, it’s impossible, it’s very idealistic, no-one could do that!
Ego love is an exchange, you give me this and I give you that. As Alanis puts it:
I bet you’re wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop
I bet you’re wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up
I bet you wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt
For women sex seems to have to lead to commitment, which often forces guys to lie about what they want if commitment is being pushed too soon. Even as much a day off is expected to be spent together, when one might have other plans. Then that courses pain and all the things you do for the other person becomes a bargaining point.
For most men relationships are a trap. If a man is in a pub, he will be wondering if there is a better pub that he could have chosen to be in. Having said relationships are a trap, he is looking for a trap he wants to be in, but it is still a trap, because he wants to be able to be free to make his own choices from moment to moment. Society sides with the woman for the sake of family dynamics, which often means when a man becomes unhappy in a relationship, or even sometimes when an interesting offer presents itself, he feels trapped that he can’t make the moves of a single man. This isn’t a man bash. In fact I believe that the only real love that can work between people is a love without conditions.
This doesn’t mean a push over towards abuse, but it means putting love and honesty before the need for false security. To make a commitment that we will never change, that we will always want the same thing, isn’t realistic. To make a commitment to the growth of your partner because you love them, may open the door to discussions of other people they have a crush on, or their need for space. Being brave enough to hold the space without fear of losing is a difficult place to be. Most personal issues can be resolved without the end of the relationship. It’s when we get controlling, become possessive and often lose the relationship we were trying so hard to keep. Once the lying starts you have lost knowing the person you are with and that’s when the real sense of loneliness starts.
Unconditional love is the only kind of love that there really is.