One of the things I missed the most about England when I was in the US, was our unique sense of humour. I absolutely adore piss taking humour, which for a spiritual person this might seem a bit odd. I enjoy the quick wittedness of it, how it can ground people or situations, how it can be a form of getting attention and flirting. It’s so bonding when you flick comments between two people; we are able to laugh at ourselves. There is a sense of poetry about it, powerful word play in fun. Even though you can say things that in any other circumstance can be seen as insulting, it isn’t taken that way, the simple reason is down to intention. The intention behind the words adds to the meaning. To play, flirt or give attention to someone lightens the conversation. Using intuition I can tell when someone banter is coming from a place of joy, or if the intention has changed and it is a put down.
‘Put downs’ are very different; they take power and positive energy away rather than giving positivity. Often this change of intention is down to fear. A person can fear losing control; it can even be caused because they like the person. I remember my grandmother telling me that the boys who push you in the playground ‘like’ you. I thought that was ridicules at the time, but I can see her point now. Women often use words to test men, see how strong they are or how committed they are. This comes from choosing a man as a father for a future father or protection the family from other tribes.

Banter through flirtation between a man and a woman can easily shift into put downs. Masculine energy, which can reside in a man or a woman, tends to be competitive. The feminine energy likes a sense of fullness and attention. The feminine will banter in order to feel full attention, but if this becomes competition based then the male energy will become competitive and then the intention shifts into put downs.

Even though the words are the same the energy is different. You might not realise at first, but these comments become small piranha bites out of your self-esteem.

The best conversations are the ones that make you feel affirmed. We don’t need people to always agree with us, as many of us learn through conversation. Kindness needs to be the back bone for all human interaction, sadly it’s often competition that becomes the back bone. Kindness bends, moves and gives, like our own spin; competition is rigid, and more likely to break a connection.  We do need to take responsibility for our emotional triggers, our intention and the very energy we bring into a room, let alone into a friendship or someone’s heart.

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
Dalai Lama